London and Lamborghinis

There’s nothing like leaving Doha to make you appreciate it a little more upon return. When we first arrived someone advised us that the way to enjoy Qatar was to leave it regularly and they were right. After almost 3 weeks in Europe we know that London has always been home, and really it still is, but for now Doha is doing just fine.

We were really dreading the August heat/humidity double whammy which everyone has been warning us about, at every opportunity, since forever. Disembarking the plane, we were struck by the feeling of having stepped in to a sauna-hairdryer amalgam. The humidity is about 98% during the day and it is pretty damn damp but the heat isn’t much of an issue. When you step outside your skin is immediately sticky but it isn’t sweat, it’s just that you are literally condensing. Weird. People with glasses really suffer – they steam up within seconds. After a while you stop noticing all this quite so much and as long as you mostly stay in an air conditioned space, no troubs.

We returned to a spotless flat thanks to friends who had been staying in our absence. They had also borrowed our cars, which meant they were the cleanest they’ve been since we bought them. They’ve now left Qatar for good which is exciting for them, a tragedy for us, and something that I think we have to get used to while living in a country with such a transient workforce. We remembered the joys of having our own bathroom (and three spare should we need them), a proper double bed, no plane noise/police sirens to disturb our sleep, and a swimming pool in the building. We get dressed knowing what the weather is going to be, with no risk of rain, and in the knowledge that there are definitely clean pants available. Since everyone who can has left Doha this month, we drive places knowing there won’t be any traffic and we don’t have to charge our Oystercard. And we got from the airport to our flat in 15 minutes. To top it all, as we walked in the door at 6.30am we found our windows being cleaned for the first time in over 10 months, so life felt good.

Being back in Europe did make us realise that it is almost impossible for us to escape the Arab world these days. Both London and Paris are big cities with lots of Arab influences and thousands of Arabs in the summer months. In Hyde Park we overheard Gulfi Arabic conversations and watched ladies in abayas attempting to control a pedalo on the Serpentine.

Then headed to South Kensington where a Lamborghini cruised past with a Qatari numberplate. Ah yes, getting a sports car shipped over from the Middle East for the summer holiday – no carbon emissions issues there...

In Paris, we admired Arabic art in the Pompidou and then an Arab lady sat on my camera lens cap whilst demanding crab mousse.

We visited the Institut du Monde Arab (okay, admittedly we didn’t happen upon this one), drank mint tea and admired a stunning building.

Then, finally as we were buying some last-minute CDs at Heathrow, the 13 year old in front of us in the queue in HMV paid for a DVD with a £50 note (one of many in his pristine leather wallet). There is no way he was anything other than a Gulfi or a very well-dressed thief. We spent virtually the entire holiday trying to spot potential Qataris in mufti – the brand new jeans and crisply ironed T-shirts are a giveaway. It is easier than you would think – almost as easy as being able to spot a Syrian from miles away by his very shiny, pointy, seventies shoes.

So, some general observations made on holiday in England and France:

• If you try you can eat pork in almost every meal, especially in France. You can almost have a glass of wine or beer with every lunch you eat, but combined with the heavy intake of pig products this is bound to lead to mid-afternoon sleepiness and the inevitable nap. In an effort to rejuvenate (and slim) ourselves on our return, I have been enforcing a mini-detox. Mr A hasn’t drunk alcohol or eaten red meat for 2 days, which he is inordinately proud of.

• Newsagents in the UK are full of women’s breasts. Has this always been the case, or have I become a prude?

• Just because it’s mid-summer doesn’t mean it won’t rain frequently, and just because Dieppe is in Northern Europe doesn’t mean you won’t be caught in a tropical monsoon which makes walking home impossible. When you haven’t seen rain for over 6 months, these things are interesting and mildly enjoyable, rather than incredibly annoying.

• Pubs are brilliant things, especially without people smoking in them. As are spritzers. But if you drink white-wine spritzers in pubs every night for a week, the spritzer starts to lose its appeal.

• Going to weddings of people you really like is a lot of fun, especially when they involve beautiful rural villages, bingo and fireworks. Fun enough to not mind being told ‘there’s always a touch of ethnic about you since you moved away’ by your husband’s extended family.

• When playing bingo it is best to pay attention. Realising just after someone has claimed the prize that you had all the numbers in one block 10 minutes ago is not the way to get ahead.

• Having parties in the garden, surrounded by friends and fairy lights, with loads of food and drink that your parents have paid for is also a lot of fun. Even when a friend’s child falls into the pond, and the first thing your Dad asks is whether the goldfish are okay. Also, parents are funny when they tell you in advance that you must ensure the music is turned off at midnight, but then (at 1am) tell you off for turning Miles Davis down.

• Seeing old friends and family is brilliant, and reminds you that living thousands of miles away is okay because people really don’t change very much. Having supper in gastropubs with friends is truly one of the most enjoyable things you can ever do.

• Some friends (note plural) are so nice that they don’t mind if you turn up to see them at 11pm and stay until 2am, even when they have work the next day.

• Being a landlord is a bit annoying, and even with fantastic tenants you have no control over the plumbing of the flat above you. You also have no control over the size of the flat, which seems to have magically shrunk in the year since we last saw it.

• St Pancras is frigging awesome these days, as is the Eurostar. Travelling between countries on a train, what a novel idea. Having friends living in the centre of Paris is also super and is definitely to be encouraged.

• When one’s husband learns Arabic, it will be to the detriment of any other lingual skills he may once have possessed. As much as he vaunts his ‘beyond GCSE’ proficiency, only Arabic will emerge from his mouth when he tries to order anything in French.

• More random things happen in Europe than they do in Doha. For example, people get married and then decide to have their wedding photos taken on the embankment beside the Seine. Then random hip-hop dudes and afro-ed men walk past, in the background of all the photos. That doesn’t happen in Qatar.

• Europe has cliffs and hills. Naturally occurring places which you can look down from or up to. Great.

• Kew Gardens is amazing. It has lots of trees, green grass and general vegetation. It has a marginally terrifying, beautiful structure which you can climb to appreciate the treetops. Apart from impending vertigo, what could be better?